day nineteen

Tomorrow is going to be a stressful day... I've got to stop thinking that way!! In all actualities it should be a great day for the sake of my relationship with my children. I have three very important phone calls to make: the Exchange Club is an organization which assists with visitation rights, a lady at Juvenile Court whose name I was given by a child advocate, and my attorney to discuss the final version of the Marital Dissolution Agreement.
I have come to the conclusion lately that I was actually blessed when Angela decided to call it quits. This is very hard for me to say but I have realized that our relationship was very one sided. I was doing the loving and she was living with me even though she didn't like me. This is starting to sound selfish. I honestly don't know if the kids are better off or not. They never did see us fight, except for maybe at the very end four years ago. I have been given the opportunity for a do-over. Not that I will take advantage of it. This could have happened when I was sixty. For me, now is probably better. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my heart and mind around that idea!!

day seventeen

I added a blog list to the right... A few guys that I have great respect for. This list will probably grow. If you have any suggestions, I am open...

day sixteen

Boy, I looked at pictures of myself from the crawfish boil. I now have new incentive to lose weight!
The night was pretty stinking wonderful... except for the last five minutes that I won't go into. Three of my good friends showed up, one kinda got his feelings hurt by me. I apologized and told him that I was totally captivated by the other two all evening. He understood.
It was good to have a few hours of crazyness to fill up my brain and de-stress. The problems are always there; I just don't have to dwell on them all of the time. That is a lesson that I need to make part of my core beliefs.
Thanks Bridge and Caro for a wonderful night!

day fourteen

Well, I made it through the day. There were times this morning when I thought I might not.
Jim Woodruff has been speaking lately on the Beattitudes. I'm still hung up on MEEKNESS. Not really interested in inheriting the Earth. I mean, woo, can you imagine the inheritance tax. I digress. Meekness, how do I apply that to my life situations. Primarily, my kids. Do I sit back and let happen whatever will or do I fight tooth and nail. How do I decide what is best for my kids? They are living a lifestyle that I doubt I will ever be able to afford. Attending what I consider to be the best private school in the region. How do I fit into their lives now? How do I apply MEEKNESS to my decision making process?

day twelve

The last few days have been full to say the least but today... well yesterday now took the cake.

I'll work backwards. I received the latest MDA (marital disolution agreement) a few minutes ago via e-mail. A couple of revelations. It appears that Angela has been given two pieces of property. One, a house in Bartlett and two, a house in Savannah, TN. It strikes me as kind of funny that she has these newly acquired assets (oh, I forgot to mention the 2008 Toyota Yaris) yet asked my nephew for a job a couple of weeks ago driving a delivery truck.

Supposedly the custody issue of the children has finally been given over to Juvenile Court. This has to be a good thing. Hopefully the guardian ad litum will cease to be considered, but I doubt it.

I'm feeling a little like Job lately. Everything I held dear in my life has been taken away, wife, kids, family(her side and some on my side), future hopes and dreams, house, yard, neighbors, life experiences, the chance for a 50th wedding anniversary, etc..

I now get to start with a clean slate knowing something that I would have said I knew before but didn't...

God loves me. That is enough. It has to be. That is all that I have.

day seven

There was no day six.

This is actually early on day eight, but...

Is it a coincidence that my daughter told me that my brother-in-laws phones had been out since they moved into the new house but that they miraculously were fixed the day after I contacted the Guardian ad Litum. Obviously Chelsea didn't know about me contacting Ms. Horner. It is a shame that everyone that has kids(whether they are the parents or not) can't put aside their selfish desires and actually do what is truly the best for the kids.

How many times have you heard of a custodial parent using his or her child to satisfy their vindictive attitude towards the non-custodial parent. I saw it with my best friend. His ex-wife used their daughter to get back at him. In the long run, all she did was hurt her daughter. I won't go into all of the things this family has suffered over the last few years, but it is harrowing to say the least. A child of a broken home deserves to be treated with kid gloves(no pun intended).

My children have two parents. We don't live together anymore. We do however live within a few minutes of our kids. Yet our kids aren't allowed to spend time with us. I can't imagine the impact this will have on their lives. They are being taught that parents can be thrown away. Will this lead them to think that children can be thrown away; that spouses can be thrown away; that their own lives can be thrown away?

I pray not!

day five

GREAT DAY. I got to talk to Chelsea for about 5 minutes. First time I have talked to her since March 22. I was on the way home from the plasma place and I just got the strong feeling that I needed to call. She had just stepped in the house for a minute and was heading to her PawPaw's. She is playing softball even though she hasn't actually played much; jammed finger. I told her that I really wanted to see her play. She told me that her mom hasn't seen her play either.
Bottom line... I got to tell my daughter that I love her.
And for now, that has to be enough.

On another note, I met another guy from the grad school at the plasma place. He is only doing one year. He said that they didn't seem to be interested in saving souls. That pretty well amazed me. Maybe more later.